The How It Should Be Done Affair
by avrovulcan
Summary: Napoleon and Illya rescue a female scientist in the Swiss Alpes. Originally written for Picfic Tuesday on LJ.


The helicopter hovered above the pristine snow covering the side of the Swiss mountain.

"This is as far as I can take you," the pilot told his two passengers, "any further and it will alert them to your presence."

"That's fine, we can make it on foot from here," Napoleon replied.

The tech prepared the aircraft's winch, while Illya made sure everything was secure before taking a firm hold of his skis and easing himself over the side. The downwash from the rotors buffeted the Russian as he descended to the smooth whiteness below; it almost seemed a shame to spoil the perfectness of it all.

As soon as Kuryakin's feet touched the ground he unfastened the harness and signalled to the crew on board the chopper that he was down, enabling Solo to follow him to the mountainside.

It wasn't long before the American was ankle deep in snow. They took a few moments to put their skis on and get ready to make their way to their target. They made a final inventory check before waving the helicopter off.

"Right, tovarisch, I believe we need to go in that direction," Napoleon indicated towards the East.

Illya sighed in despair, "you can go that way if you wish, but the birds nest we are to find is to the North East."

"Ah, yes, that's correct. Just checking you were listening at the briefing." Solo quipped, trying to cover his error; he never was very good with directions.

Kuryakin just shook his head and rolled his eyes, as he started off.

The Russian set a fast pace, delight lighting up his face with the exhilaration and feel of gliding over the smooth, crisp surface, weaving around the odd rocky outcropping as they drew near the estimated location of the THRUSH enclave.

Three weeks ago Waverly had been contacted by a young scientist's father. Concerned that his daughter, Maya Williams, had mysteriously disappeared, he had approached the usual authorities. They had no luck in finding her, and in desperation, he turned to UNCLE in the hopes they could help.

A breakthrough came from the Zurich HQ, when a hastily scrawled note found its way there.

_'Please help. Held against will. Pennine Alps. Laser must be destroyed . Maya W.'_

The scientist knew of UNCLE and had managed to get the message sent to the Swiss office via a local supply courier she had befriended.

Pulling all their resources together, Zurich HQ had managed to obtain a rough idea of where in the mountain range she was being held, the Old Man then sent Illya and Napoleon to extract the scientist and destroy the laser.

"Illya, what's that over there? Something doesn't look quite right."

"I think you have got something there, that rock is a slightly different colour and texture to the others around here."

"You thinking what I'm thinking, tovarisch?"

"On this occasion, da." The Russian smiled.

They pulled off their skis, hiding them in the snow and cautiously approached the outcropping. Removing his gloves, Illya carefully ran his hands over the surface, examining the area.

"It feels artificial; it is not as cold as it should be."

"Maybe that's why there's not so much snow around it."

"Da, probably. Ah, I think I have found something. Be ready for any resistance."

Kuryakin pushed the smooth patch of rock he'd located, a slight rumbling could be heard and vibrations felt through their feet as a portion of the outcropping slid aside. They stood guns drawn, ready for any guards that may be waiting behind the entrance.

here was no one.

Throwing puzzled looks to each other, they entered the tunnel that had been revealed, after walking several feet, the portal slowly closed behind them.

"I hope it's going to be as easy to get out of here as it was to get in." Solo ventured.

"Chance would be a fine thing. We are not usually that lucky."

"Hmm, how true. I guess we just follow this tunnel and see where it leads; after you, partner."

"Actually, I thought I would leave that honour to you for a change, my friend. Maybe then I might leave without any new holes in me."

"Okay, I'll lead the way and show you how it's done." Napoleon quipped as he made his way down the dimly lit passage.

After they had been walking for ten minutes or so, they noticed the end was getting brighter.

"There's light at the end of the tunnel," Solo smiled.

"And, no doubt, trouble too."

"Ever the pessimist."

"Somebody has to be."

"I prefer optimism: there may be trouble, but we'll be the ones causing it."

"Well if you put it like that, lets go."

Hugging the tunnel walls, they silently peered into a large cavern, in the centre stood a large laser gun. Examining it was a white coated, female scientist. Two exits were behind the weapon, a bored looking guard stood by each.

"I guess that's our Miss Williams." Napoleon whispered.

"Not very well guarded is she."

"Maybe they think because the location's so remote, they don't need it heavily defended."

"Works better for us. I will take the one on the left."

The American silently counted down and both THRUSH went down simultaneously as the darts found their marks.

Noticing her companions had suddenly slid to the ground; Maya spun around and was startled to see the agents approaching her, guns still drawn.

"Miss Williams?" The American asked.

"Yes, I hope my message got through and you're the cavalry."

"Yes, Napoleon Solo and my partner Illya Kuryakin, From the U.N.C.L.E."

The woman breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God. I was beginning to think I was here for life."

"Is there anyone else here? We were expecting more resistance." The Russian asked.

"There's only Max, oh and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum there, the others were called to a progress meeting, a helicopter came to collect them this morning."

"So where's this Max?" Solo enquired.

"In his quarters in a drunken stupor, started throwing it back as soon as the rest left."

"Tovarisch, I think on this occasion you just might leave in the same condition you arrived in." Napoleon grinned as he turned towards his partner.

"One always lives in hope. I think it is time to set some charges and leave."

Ten minutes later, the explosives were set and timers attached. They started to make their way back towards the entrance they came in by, but Maya called them back.

"You can't get out that way, the exit is down that passage," She pointed to the right hand tunnel,"the dogs are down there too."

"Dogs? Why are there dogs here?" Illya looked nervous, the last thing he wanted was to come face to face with the canines.

"They pull the sleds; that's how they get to the villages for supplies and 'entertainment' as they put it."

"Ah, I see, well it'll beat walking." Napoleon answered.

"I prefer to use my own legs, are there not any skis?" The Russian queried.

"No, the dogs are safer and faster, they are easy to control."

They followed the scientist to a smaller cavern housing several Huskies and three sleds. Quickly she harnessed three dogs to each sled. They were barking excitedly and ready to go, loving nothing better than to run.

Miss Williams ran through the commands used to control the canines and their names, especially those of the lead dogs, and how to use the vehicles safely.

Illya looked dubiously at his designated sled and team, Brutus the lead dog eyed him warily, lips slightly raised in a half-hearted snarl. The other two, Tango and Mishka ignored him.

Napoleon slowly approached his team leader and offered his hand for a sniff, once accepted he stroked Elbe's silky head, not to be outdone Akira and Balto nearly knocked him over begging for a fuss.

"I think we're ready to go, just remember the leaders name and the commands and you should be alright."

Maya left first and was followed closely by the others, as they ventured out onto the other side of the mountain.

"My friend is in a village not far from here; here's a map he gave me to use for whenever I managed to escape, it shows where he lives. We can get help from there."

She held the map out and Illya took it, studying it as they moved along, he got his bearings and indicated towards the North.

"That way I believe," he barked a command to Brutus and the dogs picked up speed, steering towards the direction they needed to go.

The Russian took the lead, with Napoleon at the rear.

"Time to leave our calling card, Illya."

Grinning, Kuryakin pressed a small button on the side of his watch and they felt and heard the explosion as the charges went off.

"Card left, my friend."

They continued towards their destination at a breakneck speed, the Russian was getting used to the way his mode of transport moved, and was starting to enjoy this new form of travel. Maybe dogs weren't so bad after all.

The Huskies seemed to know where they were going and were very sure footed, avoiding the softer snow and ice, only the odd command needed to be called out to keep the huskies going in the right direction.

Napoleon, too, was enjoying the experience; it was certainly more fun than skiing. After they had been travelling for twenty minutes, the sound of a helicopter approaching could be heard.

"This is not good, I thought we were having an unusual amount of good luck." The Russian shouted to be heard over the noise.

"We're exposed too, there's no cover out here. We're going to have to shoot our way out, how far are they away?"

"Not near enough to hit us, yet. We only have a couple minutes advantage, head for that outcropping."

Both agents converted their guns into carbines, giving a greater shooting distance.

"Think you can hit the chopper, tovarisch?"

"Maybe, I do not think they have noticed us yet."

Illya aimed at the engines, a well placed shot would take them out. He let go a volley and two slugs hit their mark, black smoke poured out and the aircraft started losing height, the pilot struggling to bring it down safely, though there was nowhere suitable to land. Answering fire rang out and kicked up snow around the small group. The dogs barked and tried to pull away, straining against the anchored sleds.

They all watched as the stricken vehicle crashed into the snow and burst into a fireball. No one survived.

They continued on with their journey and found the courier's home; he took the dogs and walked them into his back yard, rewarding them with food and water. Illya cautiously approached his team.

"Show them you're not afraid, they pick up on your nervousness. Brutus may seem a bit of a brute, but he's a softie really." Sean told the Russian as he petted the canine in question.

"Ah, I am not so sure, dogs never do seem to like me."

"Here feed him this, he'll be your friend for life." He held out a piece of raw meat.

Gingerly, Kuryakin held out the treat and Brutus gently took it from his hand, puppy dog eyes and a silly smile staring back at him as he made short work of the food. Illya was rewarded with a bat of the hand and he scratched the animal behind the ears. Kneeling down he made a bigger fuss, suddenly finding he had indeed made a new friend, soon the other two members of his team came bounding over, knocking the Russian to his back; playing rough and tumble with them, he forgot his fears.

"Ahem, am I disturbing something?" Napoleon came in search of his partner, never thinking he would find him in the think of a pack of Huskies.

"No, just making friends. What happened to you?" Kuryakin indicated a tear in his friend's sleeve.

"Stray bullet, it's just a graze, happened as the chopper was going down. I've contacted Zurich HQ, they're sending transport to pick us all up, they'll be here in an hour."

"Fine. Napoleon?"

"Hmm?"

Illya indicated the wound. "Thanks for showing me how it's supposed to be done. I will let you lead the way more often."


End file.
